But First, Love Yourself

But-first.jpg

There are so many people out here these days giving advice about almost every topic. Many call themselves life coaches or relationship experts in order to validate themselves and cause you to trust the information that they are giving to you.  I'm no such person.  I am just your everyday wife and mother, who just so happens to know a thing or two about what works in relationships.  Oftentimes, people have something to say, but are they really telling you the truth. And, if they are telling the truth, are they telling it all? Sometimes to me, it all just sounds like: blah, blah, blah.

What's the issue that I have? You never get told the full story. Should you have someone who loves and respects you? Yes, absolutely.  The problem with these "pop up" advisers is, they are not telling you that, you have to give the other person something to respect.  You can't be out here wearing the most scandalous clothes you can find, running to every club and event, having random sex with people, fighting, and acting the fool like you have no common sense, and then expect for that "good man" or "good woman" to accept you.  Even a stripper can have class and dignity, so it isn't about the occupation, money or status in life but, it is has a lot to do with how you were raised, how you see yourself, and what you have determined as your self-worth.  You can read a book about it, listen to YouTube preaching and read Instagram and Facebook posts like they are going out of style, but if you are not changing your ways to match the requirements that you are placing on someone else, then . . . you will never find the person you are looking for.

You want someone to love you and give you what you need, but first, you need to look within yourself.  Are you open to love? Have you dealt with your issues from the last relationship? Are you really ready for love or are you lonely and just ready to have someone in your bed? Some of us need to learn how to be comfortable with our own company first.  Learn to love the person in the mirror; their flaws, their insecurities, their sorrow, their fears, and everything that makes them who they are.  Without an intimate understanding of our innermost self, there is no way that we will be able to truly love someone else.  We have to deal with our own issues before we can decide to incorporate someone else into the can of mixed nuts that comprises our lives. I said all the above to say this: The answer you look for isn't in some book that you can go to the store and buy.  The answer you are searching for is right in front of your face.  Stand in the mirror, open your eyes and see yourself.  If you don't like what you see, change it.  If you're uneducated, change that. If you can't cook, learn.  Need a new wardrobe, buy one. Whatever it is. Get it together so you can love again.

Look inside yourself and you will find, the answer to all the questions in your mind. All the reasons why.  All the tools you need to be ready to love again.  Look inside, dig deep and do the work. Do what it takes to be the best that you can be, so that when your true love comes along, all you have to do is open your arms. The rest will fall into place.  Heal yourself before you think of loving someone else.