Pay close attention to what I am about to say. A man can have nice shoes, a job, his own place, an awesome relationship with his mother and is an excellent example of what a man should be. What else is there? I'll tell you. What is his vision of family? When he envisions a picture of his family hanging over the mantle place, what does he see? Are you in that picture with him? Are your children? These are questions that one must answer before fully accepting that a man is for you. I shouldn't have to reiterate my feelings and beliefs on the male and his role in the home. If you follow me, then you already know. The man is the leader, the head, the captain of the ship, and the driver of the bus. He is a person of vision, the one that your entire household should follow. It is his God-given role and, if he does not have the vision of family that matches yours, you are not going to be compatible, no matter how much you try. Before entering into a serious relationship with someone, you must ask some hard questions; how many children does he want? What roles should there be within the family unit and who should fulfill them? How are children viewed? What discipline methods does he believe in? Most importantly, what is his definition of family? If he defines family as just the two of you and you have children, then you have a problem. If he says that you must incorporate his mother, father and siblings and allow them unfiltered time and space in your lives and you don't agree with that, then you have a problem. If he feels that, because he has four kids by four different women, and that you and all his babymamas are required to get along or hang out at family events but you hate their guts, you have a problem. If he doesn't feel like your children's father should have a place in their life once he is there and you disagree, then you have a problem. Get the picture. People often say that family is not defined by blood but what you perceive it to be and, although I agree, I also feel that wasting your time with someone who has a completely different idea of what family is or should be is definitely not worth it. How can you find out his vision of family? Ask. As I stated previously, ask him to picture his family portrait hanging on the mantle and to tell you who is in it. Don't just listen though, watch his actions as well. If he tells you that he sees you and your children in the picture but doesn't actually show you that is how he feels, you need to reevaluate whether or not you believe what he is telling you. Discernment is not just a gift, use it as such. If there are red flags appearing and flying overhead, please make sure you pay attention. This message is short and to the point. There is nothing else that needs to be said.
Until next time.