Strictly for the Ladies #8: 5 Year Plan

So far, we've talked about examining ourselves, believing actions instead of words, and truly figuring out if we are thebest person for the man in our lives.  Now, it's time to talk about dreams.  We all have them, even billionaires.  The urge to be better, to be greater, to realize our goals, to aspire to accomplish all the things we thought about doing when we were a child.  Having vision is an important part of making ones dreams come true. Helen Keller once said that, 'The only thing worse than being blind is having sight with no vision.' What does this have to do with finding a mate?  I will get to the point. 

A man doesn't have to love you to share his dreams with you.  If he's passionate enough, he will tell them to almost anyone who will listen.  He will talk about them constantly; like a teenage boy talks about his first car.  He may want to be an athlete, a lawyer, a banker, a designer, or even a rapper.  Whatever it is, he will light up at just the thought of doing the thing he loves and, when he is expressing his love for that dream, he will have a glow like Bruce Leroy on The Last Dragon.  When a man reveals to you his dreams, what you must pay close attention to is does he have a plan that will cause his dream to come to fruition.  As the quote states above, a goal without a plan is just a dream therefore, you must ask (and yes, I am telling you to be nosy) what steps has he taken to make this dream become a reality.  Ask him where does he see himself in five years but, most importantly, what has he done or what is he doing at the moment (RIGHT NOW) to get there.  If his answer is nothing, (***clears throat***) turn and walk away ever so slowly.  Any person who has dreams and goals will have a plan, will have already started enacting steps within that plan, and will have set a deadline for themselves when each step should be accomplished.  Otherwise, you're just a dreamer with a head full of dreams.  Sleep walking.

The next thing you need to do is make sure that his goals and dreams are realistic.  If he tells you he wants to be a professional athlete but has never played a sport or doesn't currently workout nor practice (***clear throat***) he needs a reality check because that is a dream that will never become reality.  If he tells you he wants to be a doctor but is afraid of blood, doesn't take interest in any medical journals or even associate with medical people, he's just selling you  dream.  If he mentions that he wants to start a business and be his own boss but he doesn't know how to manage his money and has even borrowed money from you, his chances of being successful in business without some serious education, training, and a business plan are slim to none.  Let's remember ladies, real men are men of action.  If they have a dream,  no matter how far-fetched, they will be taking steps to make that dream a reality.As I have stated before, his actions will always speak louder than his words. 

Lastly, you need to evaluate if the dreams he has and the plans he has include you.  Ok, take a deep breath. I know I just knocked the wind out of you.  Yes, you need to know if, when he finally makes it and achieves his goal, will you be the person he sees sharing in that success with him.  You can invest years of your time and all of your money in this man's goals and dreams but, if he doesn't see himself sharing in his success with you, you have wasted your precious resources because he will leave you and have the good life with someone else.  How can you tell? Are you his partner? Are you the person or one of the main people he consults when making decisions about the next step on his journey? Does he see you as an integral part of his success?  Does he make it clear the that his triumphs are yours as well? Does he allow you to see him in action when he is pursuing his dream and does he invite you to become educated about his dreams and know just as much as he does?  Answer these questions and there you will find the answer.  I'll give you an example, my husband can sell cars like nobody's business.  He would take me with him to see cars and negotiate the price.  He has taught me what to look for to know if a car is worth buying or not.  He consults me before he makes any purchases. I know more about cars then most men and all because the businessman that I married loves me enough to share in his dreams.  Understand?

Before I close, I also want you ladies to keep in mind that, you should have dreams and goals of your own.  You should have your own five-year plan to better yourself, your life, and your situation whether you are with this person or not.  You should be actively pursuing your own goals, not waiting around for your man to realize success.  If you do, you will find yourself harboring resentment because now, your man is a success and you haven't done anything with your own life.  Plus, successful men love successful women whose drive, hustle, and ambition compliments their own.  Not saying you have to be Miss I Don't Need A Man but, you should be Miss I Can Bring Something to This Relationship. Keep your eyes open ladies.  Continue to seek God for the answers you needs and remember, pay attention.  Strive to reach your goals and leave a legacy.  Until next time, be blessed.