Sabotage

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There are times in life when you find yourself in a state of perpetual bliss. Everything's going the way that you want. Your relationship is great, your career is taking off or is going in the direction you have hoped for, your family is prospering, your children are behaving, your spouse is helping around the house and your pockets are overflowing with an abundance of cash. There's only one problem; you don't know how to enjoy it. You have this feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is going to happen to ruin your happiness. You're watching and waiting for what is to come and, you have your umbrella at arm's reach just in case you get caught in the midst of a storm. You wait and you wait and you wait but, nothing happens. Then, you're so anxious that, since trouble hasn't found you, you decide to go looking for it.

Once you've been in a bad relationship; had your heart-broken, been treated badly, been cheated on, been used or abused, instead of resisting and fighting back, something goes haywire and you start to expect it. You devalue yourself and tell yourself that you don't deserve something good. You're so accustomed to being mistreated that you welcome mistreatment. You don't know how to act when you're being treated well. The voice of the naysayers, previously drowned out by the cheerful music in your mind, resonates loudly, drowning out the once sweet music of your psyche. Distrust, jealousy, and resentment replace the feelings of love and elation and, the "bombs over Baghdad" start to explode. In your quest to find trouble's lair, you severe the once-strong bonds of your loving relationship and your home becomes a war zone as the rest of your life transforms into a battlefield. Even sensual sex can't bandage the painful wounds of spoiled love's grenades and your homie/lover/friend is now your arch-enemy.

I can't say that I haven't been there. So caught up on what could go wrong that I wasn't focusing on what was right. So ready to "pop off" if something went down; planning my attack, searching for clues that I never found, waiting for news of infidelity or deceit, and listening to those around me as they spewed forth bad advice. I was so used to a man doing wrong that, when I had one doing right, I pushed him away with insecurity and mistrust. Luckily, this man had the patience to subdue my feelings of inadequacy and has replenished my faith that there are good men out there just waiting for the right woman to come along so he can engulf her in his love. I must say, ladies that, sometimes, the pain we suffer from love lost is inflicted by our very being. I've learned to look at each man as an individual. Allow him to erase what has happened to me in the past and write his own story. Take down the walls inside and not allow the volcano within to erupt and burn all hope of love into ash. It may be one of the most difficult tasks in life but, you have to learn not to harden your heart. Love is out there but, if your heart isn't dressed when love is ready to knock, you could miss your opportunity to truly be happy. We must all go through a little pain, a little rain, a sadness, and take a few blows before we find joy. Oh, when you find it. True love will make you forget about all the bad things of the past, get rid of the baggage from previous journeys of love, and start fresh and new with a person who was hand molded by God for you. I've said all of this in order to leave you with a few last words, "If love came packaged perfectly, you'd be skeptical of its intentions, so when it comes wrapped in a package that you've never seen before, make sure that you crack your knuckles, take a comfortable seat and enjoy the thrill of taking something special out of the box." Love, make love, and give love.