What is one behavior you need to let go of?

Immediately, I knew the answer to this question. Worry. Worry plagues me. It is the grim shadow in the corner, waiting to swoop in and take over my thoughts. Worry stands over my shoulder casting an ominous shadow over the checklist of tasks I have in my head. Worry engulfs me in needless anxiety and is probably the sole contributor to my high blood pressure. Why do I worry, you may ask? I’m educated, employed, financially secure, and happily married. I shouldn’t have any worries…right? Life happens to us all, but for me, worry is a constant in my life. It is something that I fight against every day and a flaw that I’ve vowed to put an end to this waste of energy and inner peace.

What is worry? Worry is to give way to anxiety or unease. Worry is to allow one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles. Worry is a state of anxiety over actual or potential problems. The first thing I’ve had to do is get to the source of what causes me to worry. I could blame it on a couple of things, experience, life traumas, disappointments, and failures. Honestly, those things are not the source. The reason I worry so much can solely be attributed to my need for control. I have come to realize that I do not want to ever feel weak or out of control. When a situation arises that I do not have total control over or could possibly cause an issue in the future, my habit of worrying kicks into overdrive.

Worry is counterproductive. It doesn’t do anything except cause me anxiety. It floods me with bad thoughts of “what ifs” and “worse case scenarios” when it is better to either act or allow the chips to fall where they may. I cannot plan my way through every life situation. I can only continue to live my life, save my coins, and raise my children while tackling the challenges as they come along. I have a plan and a strategy for breaking the chains of worry in my life and starting fresh.

Instead of worrying, I will be more productive by writing out my thoughts, strategizing, practicing relaxation techniques, praying, meditating, or exercising. Lastly, I plan to increase my faith. Lack of faith is a current struggle of mine. So many things have happened to me in the last few years that have caused me to not have hope for certain situations changing in my favor. That’s a post for another day. Right now, I am choosing to focus on the fact that I can no longer remain imprisoned by my thoughts.

Today, I release all feelings of worry and dread. I let go of the bad thoughts and will allow myself to live life with the understanding that I am fully equipped to handle anything that comes my way. Why? Because I have all the tools I need to succeed in life and adapt to whatever may come. I pray that this post helps someone who may go through the same thing.

Peace and blessings to you all.

🖤🖤Susa🖤🖤

There are times in life when you find yourself in a state of perpetual bliss. Everything's going the way that you want. Your relationship is great, your career is taking off or is going in the direction you have hoped for, your family is prospering, your children are behaving, your spouse is helping around the house and your pockets are overflowing with an abundance of cash. There's only one problem; you don't know how to enjoy it. You have this feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is going to happen to ruin your happiness. You're watching and waiting for what is to come and, you have your umbrella at arm's reach just in case you get caught during a storm. You wait and you wait, and you wait but, nothing happens. Then, you're so anxious that, since trouble hasn't found you, you decide to go looking for it.

Once you've been in a bad relationship; had your heart-broken, been treated badly, been cheated on, been used, or abused, instead of resisting and fighting back, something goes haywire, and you start to expect it. You devalue yourself and tell yourself that you don't deserve something good. You're so accustomed to being mistreated that your welcome mistreatment. You don't know how to act when you're being treated well. The voice of the naysayers, previously drowned out by the cheerful music in your mind, resonates loudly, drowning out the once sweet music of your psyche. Distrust, jealousy, and resentment replace the feelings of love and elation and, the "bombs over Baghdad" start to explode. In your quest to find trouble's lair, you severe the once-strong bonds of your loving relationship and your home becomes a war zone as the rest of your life transforms into a battlefield. Even sensual sex can't bandage the painful wounds of spoiled love's grenades and your homie/lover/friend is now your archenemy.

I can't say that I haven't been there. So caught up on what could go wrong that I wasn't focusing on what was right. So ready to "pop off" if something went down; planning my attack, searching for clues that I never found, waiting for news of infidelity or deceit, and listening to those around me as they spewed forth bad advice. I was so used to a man doing wrong that, when I had one doing right, I pushed him away with insecurity and mistrust. Luckily, this man had the patience to subdue my feelings of inadequacy and has replenished my faith that there are good men out there just waiting for the right woman to come along so he can engulf her in his love. I must say, ladies that, sometimes, the pain we suffer from love lost is inflicted by our very being. I've learned to look at each man as an individual. Allow him to erase what has happened to me in the past and write his own story. Take down the walls inside and not allow the volcano within to erupt and burn all hope of love into ash. It may be one of the most difficult tasks in life but, you must learn not to harden your heart. Love is out there but, if your heart isn't dressed when love is ready to knock, you could miss your opportunity to truly be happy. We must all go through a little pain, a little rain, a sadness, and take a few blows before we find joy. Oh, when you find it. True love will make you forget about all the bad things of the past, get rid of the baggage from previous journeys of love, and start fresh and new with a person who was hand molded by God for you. I've said all of this in order to leave you with a few last words, "If love came packaged perfectly, you'd be skeptical of its intentions, so when it comes wrapped in a package that you've never seen before, make sure that you crack your knuckles, take a comfortable seat and enjoy the thrill of taking something special out of the box." Love, make love, and give love.

🖤🖤Susa🖤🖤

I've had the last few days to just relax, not think about work and troll the internet since a virus had me bed bound. The more I scrolled, the more I saw a trend...women, climbing the ladder, reaching the top, and proclaiming their prosperity. On one hand, I think it's an amazing thing; women making a name for themselves and carving out a world where they are equally successful as their male counterparts.  But, on the other hand, it kind of makes me sad.  Why? When I think back on my childhood memories of my mom, the one thing that stands out the most was that she was always working. Basketball games, track meets, awards ceremonies, plays, church events...she was always working. I never had the pleasure of having my own mother cheer me on, and on senior night, one of my aunts would fill in.

It's kind of like being successful in career and business has been added to the list of pressure already applied to the requirements of today's women. Be pretty, be smart, be sexy, have your own, be famous, be a mogul, etc., etc. It's as if being a mother and a wife have disappeared.  Like catering to your husband and family are no longer a part of a woman's vocabulary.  I know, the feminists will probably attack me, but I just want to be great to the people who matter to me most.  I just want to do things in the order that God intended. Not that working and having a career is wrong, it's just the fact that I know that, in all of this, the children suffer. (Let's face it, currently, it takes two incomes to raise children half-way decent) I was there too; continuing to educate myself, standing on the rungs of the corporate ladder, and striving to make a name for myself in the field, but I am grateful that God has caused me to have a change of heart.  When I sit down and evaluate everything, my degrees, my position, a title, or the initials behind my name don't mean a thing if I'm not using them to please God.  My heart's desire is to be the best child of God, wife, mother, and sister I can be, and none of that requires me to have a PhD, make six-figures, or have thousands of followers.  I'm trying to get there...slowly but surely. If being on top is what you desire get your money, as for me, I'm okay staying in my own lane and being my own competition.

🖤🖤Susa🖤🖤