Strictly for the Ladies #3: Shoes

So, you’ve done your homework; you addressed your issues, you’ve self-evaluated and you’ve prayed and been specific. Now, you’re ready for a little action.  Not a day goes by that you aren’t approached by a man and you are so tempted to give in and hand out your number but, you want to stick to your guns and not rush into things too fast and this being single and working on yourself things is getting a bit old.  You feel like you’re ready to entertain some company and you feel like you’re ready to put yourself to the test and see if you can really hold on to the standards that you have set for yourself.  You go about your usual schedule; working, school (maybe), picking up your kids, activities, dinner, church, grocery store and all the usual places and finally, you see a fine man who catches your eye.  You smile, he smiles back and, from your spot behind a cart in the vegetable section of the grocery store, you pretend to be intrigued by the lushness of collard greens as you see him approach from the corner of your eye.  What do you do? How can you tell if this person is someone you want to give the time of day to? I have one word for you, shoes.

On twitter, there was a retweet about the Capricorn horoscope. No, I am not one to follow astrology but this post hit home so hard that I had to favorite it. It stated that, ‘if you are the type to wear old, beat up sneakers, forget about dating a Capricorn.’  The funny thing is, that is one of the first major details about a man that I notice (after giving him the full once over, of course).  I analyze his shoes.  How clean are they? Are they run down or run over? Are they the color that they are supposed to be or are they dirty? Does it look like these are the only pair of shoes that he has? Do they complement what he has on? I know, I know, shoes may seem like a superficial thing to judge a person by but, they can instantly give you a lot of insight into a man’s character. Keep reading and hear me out.

Here’s an example:  I am at the mall and a guy comes up to me and tries to spit his game.  Not only does he give me a corny line and the True Religion jeans and t-shirt that he has on are following the latest fashion trend while the white Nike Air Force Ones he has on are damn near grey, his big toe is pushing the size limits, and they look like they have had better days.  We have a short exchange and he finds the need to tell me that he owns his own business.  I listen to his lies while thinking to myself, ‘Yeah right. What business owner wears a new outfit and busted shoes? What kind of business do you run and where is it cause I sure as hell won’t shop there? If you own one, it must not be doing well because you can’t even buy some decent shoes. Any businessman knows that when you are out and about, you are selling your business as well as yourself and presentation is everything.’  The point I’m getting at is, the shoes he is wearing have not only let you know that this man is perpetrating but, that he is a liar as well.  What should you do? WALK AWAY!  Why even try to get to know him when, from your initial meeting, he has already proven himself to be untrustworthy? The new outfit with dirty shoes just cancels out the façade you are trying to portray.  Also, any man, and I do mean ANY MAN that remotely cares about his appearance would take the time to clean his shoes, especially if they are the only ones he has.  If he can’t take care of a pair of shoes, how can he possibly take care of you, or your kids?  Let that sink in for a moment.

Now, I have much respect for my working brothers, who may have to stop by the store on their way home from work still wearing their construction Tims covered in dust. There is no way that their shoes are going to be clean and, the plus to this is, at least you know he has a job.

Now, let’s be clear, I’m not telling you that shoes should be the ultimate judgment of whether or not you should deal with a man but, they are a great place to start.  The lesson here is learning to pay attention and scrutinize.  Never take someone for their word, their actions and lifestyle must match up to the things that are coming out of their mouth and, if they don’t, then you need to be able to see that and act accordingly. As women, we can’t allow ourselves to be so ready to be with someone that we forget to listen to our gut and address the obvious.  Shoes can tell you many things about a person; whether they care about their appearance, if they take care of their things, their financial status, and what they value.  Shoes aren’t everything but it is where I start.  Yes, you could get someone who spends money on their shoes and the rest of their life is messed up so, next week’s installment will be a continuation of what to if you feel like the shoes match the man.